Experience and Background

My Philosophical Approach to Therapy

Our Therapeutic Relationship

Not taking it keeps us where we are, and the cost of staying there is measured in something we cannot get back: our time. Of all the regrets I encounter in this work, lost time is often the heaviest to carry.

That is why I place so much emphasis on building a relationship in which you feel safe enough to share what is difficult. It is where the real work begins.

For many years these words meant little to me — the first time I read them, I put the book down. By most measures, the first half of my life was expansive, and diverse in experiences: studies, backpacking and travel, healthy friendships, love of nature and life outdoors, generally healthy in body and mind, and at the end of my twenties, marriage and children. The one exception was my career and working life. I had built a successful business, but it was chosen under the weight of expectation from my family of origin, and it held little meaning for me.

Beneath it all, I held onto inherited views I had never truly examined: that life is predetermined, that external realities dictate my choices, and that struggling with any aspect of my life implied weakness and a lack of gratitude. A flying accident exposed them. My life became far more limited, and I found myself entering the second half of life in an existential void — one I tried to numb with self-destructive choices, which only prolonged my search for insight, clarity and, ultimately, change.

Only once I was driven by sheer desperation did I make a different choice — a predicament I could have avoided by finding the courage and humility to ask for, and more crucially, accept help.

When I was challenged to change myself, and to stop my futile attempts to re-arrange reality, my life changed remarkably. I have since learnt that there is no shame or weakness in struggling with life's challenges — they are merely obstacles to be accepted as life's realities.

Out of this came a realisation I have fully embraced: "the world must nothing, people must nothing" (Mutual Non-Obligation, a reading in Client Resources). I alone am responsible for the conduct and outcome of my life. This was the day my life became authentic, filled with purpose, and my personal struggles were flooded with meaning. This was when a calm sense of curiosity about all my life encounters returned.

This is not a claim that we can do without one another. Connection, care and love matter more than anything else here — which is precisely why they cannot be owed. The moment we start keeping an invisible account of what is due to us, we have left the relationship and entered a transaction.

Today, I live my life according to the truth that my choices are my responsibility, that accepting and assuming this responsibility has released me from a life I had once constructed for myself, a life built on fearfulness of change, and avoidance of challenging rigid societal expectations and institutionalised dysfunction.

These are some of the principles I bring into the therapeutic process — a process informed by my own life experiences and struggles, and by the rewards of self-reflection and change that I have experienced first-hand: a life lived with greater authenticity, purpose, and a renewed curiosity. It is further shaped by my studies, reading and research, and by extensive work as a counsellor and therapist in clinics, as well as in private practice.

I love my work and I cherish the occupational privilege. I feel an immense amount of gratitude toward those who have, and continue to, contribute to a meaningful life experience. More than anything I value the shared trust I experience with my clients during every therapeutic hour.

We are fellow travellers.