Help for Youth at Risk

Watching your child struggle is one of the hardest things a parent goes through. Perhaps they have withdrawn, or become angry and hard to reach. Perhaps there are signs of drinking or drug use, trouble at school, a worrying friendship, or something they won't talk about. You may not know whether this is a phase, or something that needs help.

You don't have to be certain before you reach out. A conversation is often the best way to find out.

Who I see

I have been seeing scholars and university students for over a decade. I usually work with young people from the age of 16, including scholars in their final school years, students, and young adults finding their feet. I do make exceptions for younger people, based on a conversation with the parents or the person referring them.

Common reasons parents contact me

• Withdrawal, low mood, or a loss of interest in things they used to enjoy
• Anxiety, stress and pressure around exams and the future
• Anger, conflict at home, or defiance
• A breakdown in the relationship with a parent, or parents
• Alcohol, vaping, drug use or other risky behaviour
• Excessive gaming, social media or screen use
• Self-harm, or talk of not wanting to be alive (please see the note at the bottom of this page)
• Eating concerns
• Peer pressure, bullying, or difficult friendships and relationships
• Refusing to go to school, falling behind, or dropping out
• Trouble with the law
• Divorce, loss, abuse or trauma, or a big change in the family
• Questions of identity, self-esteem and belonging, or not knowing what comes next

How it works

The first contact. Usually parents see me for a session first, so that I can understand what is happening and we can decide together on the best way forward. When families live in another town, for example parents of university students or of young people in a school residence, that first meeting can take place online by Zoom, or an email exchange can take its place.

Parental approval. For anyone under 18, a parent or guardian's approval is needed before we begin.

If your child doesn't want to come. That is common, and it is not a reason to give up. I suggest a half-hour chat with no obligation to continue. It gives a young person the chance to meet me and decide for themselves, and so far every young person has chosen to come back.

Private, not secret. There is an important difference between what is private and what is secret. Privacy is a young person's right to a space of their own, where they can think and talk freely without every word being reported back. Secrecy is keeping something hidden that puts them, or someone else, at risk, or that you as a parent need to know. Counselling protects privacy; it does not keep dangerous secrets.

So most of what a young person shares stays in the room. Young people rarely open up if they believe everything will be passed on, and that trust is what makes the work possible. I share only what is needed, and only with your child's consent. Often I encourage them to talk to you themselves about what is going on, when they are ready, which also helps to open up communication at home. The exceptions are when there is serious concern that your child, or someone else, is at risk of harm, or when your child asks me to involve you.

Sessions for parents. Where it is indicated, I also see parents on their own for guidance, as long as your child is comfortable with it or will benefit from it. Sometimes it is the young person who asks for it, and that can become a valuable part of their own process.

How I work with young people

I don't lecture, and I don't take sides. Young people can tell very quickly whether an adult is genuinely listening, or just trying to fix them. The work is honest and respectful: understanding what is going on beneath the behaviour, what it is doing for them, and what they want for their own lives.

Much of what looks like “acting out” is a way of coping with something harder to name: anxiety, loss, pressure, loneliness, or not yet knowing who they are. When that is understood, and when a young person feels taken seriously, change becomes possible. The approach is the same person-centred and existential work I do with adults, adapted to where they are in life.

My experience

Besides more than a decade of work with scholars and university students in private practice, I worked at a safe house for victims of domestic violence and human trafficking, helping young people who had been exposed to abuse or trauma. In the clinics where I worked, young people from the age of 16 came for treatment alongside adults, often for addiction and dual diagnosis.

Alcohol, drugs and risky behaviour

Experimenting is common at this age, but for some young people it becomes a way of escaping, and it can quickly become a problem. I work with young people and their families on substance use and other compulsive behaviours without fear, guilt or judgement. More on the Addiction and Dual Diagnosis page.

When more support is needed

Counselling is not always enough on its own. Where a psychiatric assessment, medication, a diagnosis, medical care or more intensive treatment would help, I will say so and help you find the right person, and we can continue working alongside them.

Practical details

Sessions are fifty minutes, in person at my practice in Stellenbosch or online by Zoom, in English or Afrikaans. The fee is R800 a session in South Africa, or $65 internationally. More answers are on the FAQ page.

Getting in touch

Send me a message by email, WhatsApp or the contact form, and tell me a little about what is happening.

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