Anger
You may be here because of your own anger. You may be here because of someone else's — a partner, a parent, someone you live with or work alongside.
Either way, you are not overreacting by looking.
Anger is not the enemy
Anger is energy. It is what we produce when something matters to us and that something feels threatened, blocked or disrespected. Like any energy, it is neither good nor bad in itself. What matters is what gets done with it.
Handled with awareness, anger is one of the most powerful motivations for change we have. It moves people to set a boundary, to correct an injustice, to start a difficult conversation, to make a change that has been waiting years. Left unexamined, the same energy damages the relationships and the sense of self that took a lifetime to build.
Feeling it does not make you a bad person. It makes you a person for whom something matters.
It moves in two directions
Outward — irritation, a raised voice, and further along, fury, resentment and harm done to people we love.
Inward — going quiet, swallowing it, eventually avoiding the feeling altogether. This one is less visible and no less costly: over time it wears down mood, health and self-worth.
Neither is a character flaw. Both are patterns learned long ago, usually for good reason at the time. Which means both can be understood, and changed.
If it is someone else's anger
Living around anger is its own kind of exhausting. You may be managing someone's moods, keeping the peace, choosing your words carefully, wondering whether you are the problem.
You are allowed to want help with that in its own right — not as a step towards confronting anyone, or leaving anyone, or making any decision at all.
You don't have to do anything yet
Talking to me does not commit you to anything. Not to a course of sessions, not to a confrontation, not to changing your relationship, not to any particular outcome. Nothing has to be decided, told, confronted or ended.
The first step is simply clarity — understanding what is actually happening, and why it has the grip it has. What to do about it comes afterwards, and it is decided by you, when you are ready, at whatever pace suits you. Sometimes people find that clarity alone is enough for a while.
What the work looks like
Not anger management in the sense of learning to suppress it. The aim is to recognise it earlier, understand where it comes from, and choose what to do with it rather than react.
Often that means tracing a reaction that feels out of proportion back to something older — an injustice, a hurt or a loss that has not been fully dealt with. A trigger in the present has usually connected with something in the past. That is information, not a failing.
And it is confidential. What is said in the room stays there, within the limits set out on the FAQ page.
Getting in touch
Send me a message by email, WhatsApp or the contact form. You do not need to explain everything, or have decided anything at all. “I need to talk about anger — mine, or someone else's” is enough.
Sessions are fifty minutes, in person at my practice in Stellenbosch or online by Zoom, in English or Afrikaans. Fees and other practical questions are on the FAQ page.
If it is urgent, please say so in your message. I want to know, and I will reply as promptly as I can. The helplines below are only for an immediate crisis, until I can get back to you, if another therapist isn't available:
- SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567, 24 hours
- If someone's anger is making you unsafe: the Gender-Based Violence Command Centre, free and open 24 hours — 0800 428 428, or dial *120*7867# from any cell phone
- Emergency services: 112 from a mobile phone, 10111 for the police, or 10177 for an ambulance